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Parenting and the Enneagram

Elizabeth Wagele is the author of several illustrated Enneagram books including The Enneagram Made Easy and the The Enneagram of Parenting. Here are the parenting gifts, pitfalls and self-correction practices she suggests for each type from The Enneagram Made Easy

Enneagram Type 1 Reformer

  • Gifts: Teach their children responsibility and strong moral values. Are consistent and fair. Discipline firmly. 
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Remember to allow your children to come to decisions on their own in order for them to develop more self-esteem. Let your children know you love them not only for what they do, but for who they are. 

Enneagram Type 2 Helper

  • Gifts:Are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't). 
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Remember to help your children become independent. Learn ways to stop excessive worrying about your grown children. Develop interests of your own to help you detach. Beware of the tendency to instill guilt in your children and try to self-correct as needed. 

Enneagram Type 3 Achiever

  • Gifts: Are consistent, dependable and loyal. Struggle between wanting to spend time with their children and wanting to get more work done. Expect their children to be responsible and organized. 
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Be aware of your high expectations. Remember that excessive pressure on your children will create emotional problems for them, so try to self-correct as needed. 

Enneagram Type 4 Individualist

  • Gifts: Help their children become who they really are. Support their children's creativity and originality. Are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings.  Are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed.
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Remember that you can sometimes be overly critical, overly protective or self-absorbed and try to self-correct as needed. 

Enneagram Type 5 Investigator

  • Gifts: Are often kind, perceptive and devoted, but sometimes authoritarian and demanding. 
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Remember that you may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate. And, that you may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions. Try to self-correct as needed. 

 Enneagram Type 6 Loyalist

  • Gifts: Are loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty. Are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence. 
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Remember that you tend to worry more than most that your children will get hurt. Practice saying no and setting appropriate boundaries. Try to self-correct as needed. 

Enneagram Type 7 Enthusiast

  • Gifts: Are often enthusiastic and generous. Want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life. 
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Remember that you can get too busy with your own activities to be attentive to your children and try to self-correct as needed. 

Enneagram Type 8 Challenger

  • Gifts: Are loyal, caring, involved and devoted. 
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Remember that you are sometimes overprotective, and can be demanding, controlling, and rigid and try to self-correct as needed. 

Enneagram Type 9 Mediator

  • Gifts: Are supportive, kind and warm. 
  • Pitfalls + Self Corrections: Remember that you are sometimes overly permissive or non directive and try to self-correct as needed. 

 INQUIRY

1. Do you know your home base type? If so, how do these gifts, pitfalls and self-corrective practices land for you? Do they seem accurate?

2. Can you see yourself embodying your parenting gifts? If so, which ones?

3. Can you see yourself embodying the parenting pitfalls? If so, which ones?

4. What's it like to consider the self-corrections? Are these helpful? Are you able to practice self-correcting in real time? If so, how does this impact your parenting and (more importantly) the health and growth of your child? 

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